Another Nonfiction Writing Mistake: Not Telling the Reader What’s in Your Mind
drlarry437@gmail.com
There are several websites* listing common mistakes in writing nonfiction: not knowing your intended audience, telling instead of showing, using excessive passive voice, etc. One mistake that caught my attention — #6 from the first website listed below — is giving out too much information, abbreviated TMI.
“TMI is giving too much information about a subject that the reader doesn’t care about. Your casual reader doesn’t care about the inner workings of carburetors if your subject matter is about Nikola Tesla. The only reason the reader would care is if those facts about carburetors are directly tied to a pivotal moment in Tesla’s life.”
True, of course, but there is another common nonfiction mistake unmentioned in this or other websites I reviewed on the subject: not giving the reader important information left inside the writer’s mind. I call it “mind-trapped information” or MTI.
In our critique group, Theo read the first 1500 words of his memoir, mentioning several aspects of his adult life. When he finished, the critique went something like this, with questions coming from various group members.
Group: “Theo, who is Barbara?”
Theo: “Oh, she’s my wife.”
Group: “You should mention that. And, what does she look like? You never described her.”
Theo: “Well, she’s…” [And now he gives a brief verbal description]
Group: “Well, OK, but then who is Alice?”
Theo: “Barbara’s sister. That wasn’t clear?”
Group: “No, you never told us that either. Also, where did all this take place?”
Theo: “Sandusky, Ohio. That’s just east of Toledo. I did mention the boat dock, and that it was on Lake Erie.”
Group: “Well, it’s a big lake. Anyway, you didn’t tell us the year.”
Theo: “This part is from the early 1980s.”
All this vital information, vivid in Theo’s mind as he began writing his memoir, never made it to the page.
Mind-trapped information is common in early draft nonfiction, i.e., work that has not been subjected to critical review.
A short memoir I once reviewed for a writing contest recounted the mother’s pathos over an adult daughter leaving home to a “new location” in a “particular city.” Omitted were the location and city. The mother laments that she now has to drive to visit her daughter, but to where, she never states. The daughter, we’re told, has a physically-demanding job, the nature of which is never revealed. And, she suffers a chronic illness, but no name or description is provided.
Then the author writes, “I’m still here.” But where is “here”? Also not revealed was the year the daughter moved out, or the age of mother or daughter. The piece was so devoid of necessary detail that in my critique I wrote, “She writes as if she has something to hide, almost like she’s in the witness protection program and has been sworn to not reveal any real names or physical locations.”
Admittedly this is an extreme example, but MTI is nonetheless a common problem encountered in critique group readings. Often it’s just a sentence or two that cries out for an explanation that never arrives. Here are a few more examples.
“My freshman year in college was quite unsettling, and not just because of the Viet Nam protests.”
We read another paragraph about the writer’s unsettling experiences, but are never told which college, which state, or anything else that would allow us to picture the setting.
“I called Dr. Silver to ask his opinion about Covid-19.”
OK, but who is Dr. Silver, his specialty, his anything? The author knows, but neglected to tell the reader.
“While still in graduate school, I got a call from the XYZ Corporation, offering me a position. I wasn’t ready to commit, and turned it down.”
What position? What is the XYZ Corporation? If the author wants us to care that she received and turned down the offer, she has to tell us something about it.
“Got my army assignment today. PIR,” he said, “so that’s good news, just what I was hoping for.”
PIR was not defined, and no one in the group knew what it stood for. But to the author, it was as clear as the acronyms IRS or TSA. Parachute Infantry Regiment, of course.
The problem with mind-trapped information is partly psychological, in that vital information envisioned in the mind (dates, ages, physical descriptions of people and things, locations, etc.) becomes entwined with what we actually write, so that the omissions are not recognized. At the moment of literary creation it seems as if all the important information is being conveyed, when it is not.
I offer three suggestions on how to avoid this common mistake.
1) Before or even after you begin writing anything nonfiction, jot down the bare essentials or facts of your piece, e.g., dates, events, relations to others you mention, physical descriptions, settings, etc. Then ask yourself if any of this information is important in your writing. If so, make sure to include it.
2) Always, always put your finished draft aside for a few days or longer, then come back and reread what you wrote. The omissions may then become obvious.
3) Before submitting your work to any writing contest (or, heaven forbid, for publication) make sure it has been read or heard by people who have no hesitation to tell you if it’s bad, and if so, exactly why. This pretty much excludes friends and relatives. If not in a critique group, you can easily find beta readers on the internet. Objective review is especially important if the piece is a memoir. But even if it’s about Tesla and carburetors, you want feedback from people who won’t be reluctant to critique the fact that you never mentioned when Tesla lived (1856–1943) or stated his country of origin (Croatia).
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Add MTI to TMI to any list of potential nonfiction writing mistakes. In the final analysis, the writer’s essential obligation is to communicate with his or her readers. We should strive to tell them what they need to know, not more or less. While ‘too much information” is a potential pitfall in nonfiction, I personally find “mind-trapped information” more annoying. We can filter out unwanted information, but information left out by the author, especially if it’s personal, just leaves a gaping hole in the work.
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https://nybookeditors.com/2019/10/avoid-these-common-nonfiction-writing-mistakes/
https://www.writerssherparetreats.com/nonfiction-book-writing-mistakes/
https://ingeniumbooks.com/nonfiction-dialogue-8-mistakes/
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